1. "I might join you later" - Meaning: I'm not leaving the house today unless it's on fire.

2. "Excuse me, sorry, is anybody sitting here?' - Translation: You have three seconds to move your bag before I end you.

3. "Not to worry" - Translation: I will never forget this.

4. Saying sorry as a way of introducing yourself.

5. "Bit we out there" - You're going to need a snorkel because it's absolutely pissing it down.

6. Ending an email with "Thanks" as a warning that you're perilously close to losing your temper.

7. "Right then, I suppose I really should start thinking about possibly making a move" = Translation: "Bye".

8. "It's fine" - Meaning: It really could not possibly get any worse, no doubt it will do.

9. "Perfect" - Translation: Well that's that ruined then.

10. "A bit of a pickle" - Translation: A catastrophically bad situation with potentially fatal consequences.

11. "Not too bad, actually" - Translation: I'm probably the happiest I've ever been

12. "Honestly, it doesn't matter" - Meaning: Nothing has ever mattered more than this.

13. "You've caught the sun" - Translation: You look like you've been swimming in a volcano

14. "That's certainly one way of looking at it" - Translation: That's certainly the wrong way of looking at it.

15. Saying "I have 5p if it helps?" and never being quite sure if it helps.

16. "If you say so" - Translation: I'm afraid that what you're saying is the height of idiocy.

17. "With all due respect" - Translation: You have absolutely no idea of that you're talking about.

18. Saying "You're welcome" as a quietly as possible to people that don't say thank you but using it as a form os punishing them.

19. "I beg your pardon" - Translation: What you're saying is making me absolutely livid.

20. "It could be worse" - Translation: It couldn't possibly be any worse.

21, "Each to their own" - Translation: You're wrong, but never mind.

22. "Pop around anytime" - Translation: Please stay away from my house

23. "I'm just popping out for lunch, does anybody want anything?" - Translation: I'm getting my own lunch now, please remain silent.

24. Saying "I might get some cash out actually", despite approaching the cash machine and being 100% certain of getting cash.

25. "No no, honestly, my fault" - Translation: It was exceedingly your fault and we both know it.

26." No yeah that's very interesting" - Meaning: You are boring me to death.

27. "Just when you get a minute" = Translation: Now!.

28. "No harm done" - Translation: You have caused complete and utter chaos.

29. "I'm sure it'll be fine" - Translation: I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly.

30. "Sorry, I think you might have dropped something" - Meaning: You have definitely dropped that specific item.